WESTERN ZINA METHODS NOT PERMISSIBLE
By a U.K.Brother
Assalamu’alaykum
At the outset, I apologise for the length of this piece, but something must be said about an endemic issue existing in Muslim societies in the west.
Nowadays, prospective couples are meeting and speaking beforehand (often extensively), in coffee shops and restaurants. In a world of superficiality, fakery, materialism and optics both are dressed to impress.
Living in Darul Kufr and having imbibed the norms and customs of the kuffar, Muslim have accepted the warped notion that through this first stage of fornication they will “get to know someone.”
And yet, we know from Hadhrat Umar Radiallahu Anhu, an individual will never know another unless they have journeyed together, or they have had business dealings, or they have been close neighbours, i.e. witnessed each other’s actions daily.
By adopting this modern marriage process, the Wrath of Allah is incurred, and hence why we see marriages devoid of barakah and many that encounter “modern world” difficulties that were previously unfathomable. And sadly, there are many more marriages that end in divorce. As for the marriages that appear rosey, it is because both husband and wife are united on the principles of materialism, luxury, tangibles and optics.
At these fake meetings, both parties often expertly project an image of themselves that bears little to no resemblance of their reality. Shaytaan deceives both the man and woman in to thinking that they have undertaken due diligence, until one day one spouse discovers that the other is a liar, cheater, abuser, deceiver, lazy and has dark secrets.
From a man’s perspective his infatuation at these meets will render 99% of his brain cells inoperative, thus impairing his judgement, like it did for Majnoon when it came to Laila.
These meets of pretence are not the way of the Sahabah or our pious predecessors. Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam described the Sahabah as guiding stars, but their methodology is considered antiquated and out of touch with modernity. All types of “compelling” secular modern arguments are posited to scupper the simple procedure for marriage adopted by our pious predecessors. The Sahabah are thus regarded as backward and not role models in this era of “enlightenment.”
The simple process of marriage is considered by Muslims to be alien, weird and backward. Reliable elders, where available, should make the necessary extensive background checks. The couple should see each other once in passing to ascertain attraction and then a decision should be made. But apparently this procedure, which subsisted for hundreds of years is considered prehistoric. What was good for the goose is no longer good for the gander.
(If there are no elders to assist in exceptional cases, there are ways to respectfully inquire in to the background of a prospective candidate and submit a formal straightforward proposal, which can be either from the woman or the man’s side. Where there is a will to adopt Hayaa, Taqwa and Tawakkul, Allah Ta’ala will certainly find a way).
The aforementioned system worked for 1400 years, but nowadays we regard ourselves as a more “cultured” than the Sahabah, and so there is layered complexity. Often there are several meets, extensive shallow discussions and consultations, and the excuse is often posited that the father needs to ensure that his daughter is given to the right candidate.
Often this is the same father that sent his daughter to the brothel college and university, allowed her to gallivant, and move around in the public domain without niqab and make up. After forfeiting his right to guardianship with his dayyuth behaviour, this father magically develops a conscience that his daughter needs protecting. Protection here means the boy has a well-paid job, nice home, nice car and multiple holidays. These are the primary considerations. The question as to religious commitment (and good character), as per the instructions of Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam, is often a convenient afterthought, if at all. If he prays Jumu’ah, this is the epitome of religiosity.
This is why we see the first question from the prospective wife or father in law is: “What’s his job?” If he is a pauper with piety that can fulfil the basic needs, no one wants to know. Not even the purportedly pious family who don Islamic garb and pray five times a day would consider such a man. The story of the Sahabi who could only afford teaching his prospective wife Qur’an as mahr is today regarded as anathema, or a fairytale equivalent to Cinderella and the Seven Dwarves.
If the man is rich, a clean shaven fajir, with a “clean cut” image, and an entrepreneur with a portfolio of assets, he is an instant candidate because Muslims are living for the dunya, which Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam described as jeefa (carrion).
These meetings are filled with the preparatory acts of zina. Aside from the jokes to impress, one Tablighi brother even admitted that he went further, and lightly flirted with his prospective spouse to ascertain suitability. This is the degeneracy shaytaan has caused Muslims to stoop to and that’s not to mention the late night messaging, chats and exchange of photos.
It is an undeniable fact that the necessity of Nikah has been made difficult and fornication has been made appealing. And this is because all parties lack Taqwa, Tawakkul and simplicity.
All the aforementioned points should be discernible to anybody who has a mustard seed worth of faith in their heart. Sadly, in many instances, this is not the case.
May Allah Ta’ala guide us all in this respect and give us the taufeeq to emulate our true role models, i.e. Nabi Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam, Sahabah and our pious predecessors.
14 Sha’baan 1446 – 13 February 2025