THE LAMENT OF A TABLIGHI SISTER
A lady who was a Tablighi pouting out her laments, says:
“I am 26 and 3 years married. Before getting married, my husband (32) communicated that he wanted to marry someone that wouldn’t stop him from Jamaat work. He put forward that he goes for mulakaats (meeting tablighis) every day between Maghrib and Esha, he spends every Friday night to Saturday morning at the markaz, he goes for 3 days every month and wants to do 4 months every year. I happily agreed to these terms, not fully understanding the life I was agreeing to. I too was a tablighi. Therefore I had no objection.
I’ve now come to understand the reality of it, I am alone the entire day, I don’t drive and I meet no one. He comes home for a short period before Maghrib and then I see him after Esha. I eat supper alone on a Monday and Thursday because he fasts on those days. The only meal we have together is on a Tuesday night. On a Wednesday he wants us to eat at his mothers house. I sit there with my parents-in-laws until he returns after Esha. My mother-in- law doesn’t like me, so spending any time there has been causing me to suffer with a lot of anxiety.
Most nights, when my husband finally returns home, he’ll only complain about how tired he is, and while I see to our children, he will fall asleep and we won’t even get to speak to each other (bear in mind i had no one to talk to the entire day).
At the moment, he is out for 4 months, and I realized how I don’t miss him nor do I long for him, because we have built no real relationship and he’s gone most of the time anyways, so his absence does not matter. Even while here it seems that he is always absent.
Mufti Saheb, I’m being plagued with horrible thoughts. Is this the life I want to live?
I end up spending more time in my parents’ home than in my own. Every Friday, I make my own travel arrangements to my parents home town to avoid spending the night alone. He spends the night at the markaz. And he won’t drop me off at my parents because he’ll end up missing a part of the program.
The one Saturday that he gets off, is the weekend that he goes for 3 days, and its the weekend I spend with my parents. Every other Saturday, he fetches me from my parents only in the evening, after he completes his mulakaats for that day. So basically we only have Sundays together, and even so, when he goes for Zohar or Asr it takes him a whole hour until he comes back home. In between he’ll sit by his mothers house. And then again, he’ll go for Maghrib and I’ll only see him late after Esha.
Mufti Saheb, I have been in jamaat as well, I’m aware of the great virtues attached to this, but surely there must be some balance here. I feel like I’m just one extra thing in his life. I serve no real purpose. I’m there to fulfill his conjugal rights but that’s as far as our relationship goes. I have to force him to stay awake just to talk to me. I have to remind him to buy for me a gift, or to write for me a sweet note at least.
Mufti saheb please advise. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I don’t want to live like this anymore, I don’t want this life for myself. Don’t I have any rights?
The difficult situation with my mother in law is pushing me even further away. When I’m at my in-laws, its like I’m all alone, he won’t defend my name at all.
JazakAllah Requesting duaas.” (End of the Sister’s Lament)
Comment
This is not the first letter of lament and complaint. Many women married to Tablighis are disillusioned and grieving for having entrapped themselves in misery with Tablighi husbands. We have files full of such letters.
In general Tablighis, although there are exceptions, have no regard and no understanding of Huqooul Ibaad (Rights of people). In their disregard for the rights of others, the worst sufferers are their wives whom they treat as chattel, then deceive themselves that abusing the rights of the wife is a virtue if camouflaged with their convoluted understanding of tableegh.
There are wives of Tablighis who strike up illicit relationships which they justify with the neglect and abuse perpetrated by their errant Tablighi husbands. Most of these chaps lack Ghairah (Imaani honour and Shame). Whilst they soothe their conscience with the false idea of their ‘tablighi ibaadat’, they have no qualms regarding the prowling of their wives. They are the worst examples of Dayyooth. They waste their time in outings whilst some of their wives suffer in silence and loneliness, and others who lack Taqwa happily enjoy themselves with illicit relationships.
They are answerable to Allah Ta’ala for the gross neglect of their wives and children, and for the sins of their families. Allah Ta’ala commands in the Qur’aan Majeed:
“O People of Imaan! Save yourselves and your families from the Fire…”
While this is the command of Allah Ta’ala, these wayward Tablighis are more concerned with others. They wholly neglect their own families. Such neglect is haraam and brutal.
Advice for the Sister
Sister, you have only two options: Sabr or Talaaq. If your bear the zulm of your husband silently and patiently, you could earn the status of a Shaheed.
If you lack such Taqwa to tolerate the zulm, then insist on Talaaq. But never give vent to the ‘horrible thoughts’ plaguing you. We are aware of Tablighi wives who give practical expression to their ‘horrible thoughts’ by entrapment in zina. May Allah Ta’ala guide and protect you from the evil of the nafs and the snares of Iblees.
2 Muharram 1446 – 9 July 2024