The Pious Husband
This book, Az-Zaujus Salih or The Pious Husband is in fulfilment of our promise made in the Introduction of our book, Al-Mar’atus Salihah or The Pious Woman. We express our gratitude to Allah Ta’ala Who alone has made possible the fulfilment of our promise so quickly just months after the publication of Al-Mar’atus Salihah. All praises are due to Him.
Just as Al-Mar’atus Salihah was prepared exclusively for the benefit and guidance of women, so too, is Az-Zaujus Salih written for the exclusive benefit of husbands in general and in particular for those husbands who believe that their superior rank is a licence for abusing wives.
The lasting success of a marriage – the Muslim marriage – is not confined to only the fulfilment of the minimum legal huqooq (rights and obligations). It requires much more. While both partners in the marriage have to make sacrifices, the major part of the responsibility of ensuring that the marriage remains an enduring episode of happiness and success devolves on the husband who Allah Azza Wa Jal has appointed the Qa-im/Haakim (ruler) of the home. The success of the marriage cannot be achieved by the husband wielding only the coercive powers of his hukoomat (reign) over his wife. A happy married life relies heavily on the pure and true love which Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) has exhorted us to develop.
This book teaches husbands the Sunnah attitudes which they have to adopt in their relationship with their wives. This is not a book in Fiqh and it does not discuss the legal rights of the husband. Rather, it is the prescription – the Islamic prescription – for a happy and successful marriage, the blessings and rewards of which extend into even the Hereafter.
This book is not a licence for disobedient wives for achieving their desired goal of domination over their husbands. While husbands should study Az-Zaujus Salih (The Pious Husband), wives should do likewise with Al-Mar’atus Salihah (The Pious Woman). Both partners should implement their respective roles in practical life. These two treatises, viz. Al-Mar’atus Salihah and Az-Zaujus Salih, constitute the alchemy of marital happiness and success. May Allah Azza wa Jal accept our humble effort and may He grant readers the taufeeq to act in accordance with the Islamic advises and admonitions contained herein.
MUJLISUL ULAMA OF SOUTH AFRICA
Rabiul Aakhir 1413 – October 1992
The Husband as the Ruler
“Men are the rulers over women because Allah has bestowed ranks to some of them above others and because they (men) spend of their wealth (for the maintenance of women).”
(Surah Nisaa’, Aayat 34)
In describing the man, Allah Ta’ala in this aayat, mentions the word qawwamoon which is the plural of qawwaam. In Arabic, qawwaam refers to someone who has the responsibility of administering a system. He is in charge of executing the affairs and operation of the system which has been entrusted to him. A qawwaam is, therefore, a ruler. The Qur’aan-e-Hakeem uses this term in this very meaning. Thus, Allah Ta’ala says that, “Men are the rulers of (or over) women.”
Just as a community or a nation requires a ruler for proper and efficient functioning of the affairs of society, so too does the home unit stand in need of a ruler to ensure that the home affairs progress smoothly and correctly along the divinely-ordained pattern conceived in by the Shariah. The man in the house has, thus been appointed the ruler or overseer. While Islam has bestowed many rights to women, the Qur’aan-e-Hakeem confirms his superior rank and announces his appointment as the ruler of women.
There is no gainsaying that man is the ruler/guide/overseer in the home. The Qur’aan Majeed is explicit in this declaration and the Ahadeeth of Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) are replete with his significance and superiority over woman.
While this is indisputably so, the husband should not commit the grave error of assuming that his superiority and his appointment as the ruler/leader permit him to rule his family at his whimsical and temperamental behest. It is essential that the husband understands that along with his rank and position comes responsibility of a grave and sacred nature. His appointment as Ruler of Woman is not a licence for misdirecting authority. His position as the head of the family does not entitle him to introduce a reign of misery in the home. His superiority over his wife does not bestow to him the right of enslaving her. The wife’s obedience to her husband, emphasised and made incumbent by Allah Ta’ala, does not allow him to adopt a master and slave relationship at home. His elevated rank is not permission for violating, denying and neglecting the rights (huqooq) which Islam orders for women and children. On the contrary, all such violations and behavioural attitudes not conducive for the correct functioning of an Islamic home, are heavily proscribed by the lofty office he as the husband/father occupies. In short, the husband is not allowed to adopt a bullying attitude. He does not enjoy the right to impose on his wife his wishes, whims and fancies just as he desires and in any way he feels.